What do you want and why do you want it?

What do you want? This is a great question to ask yourself regularly. It is something many folks never ask themselves, for reasons that include being “too busy” or afraid of the answer or maybe thinking that it doesn’t matter because they aren’t going to get it anyway. I ask coaching clients this all the time. I also hear a lot of “I don’t know.” To which I reply, if you did know, what would your answer be? This is a great way to short-circuit the “I don’t know” answer.

However, an even better question I think than “what do you want” is the follow-up question, “why do you want that?” The answer – after a lot of digging – is usually because we think that getting or experiencing whatever it is that we want, will make us feel a certain way. It is not the getting that we seek, it is the feeling we want once we get there.

The truth however, is that the feeling is available to us right now. We don’t need to get what we want before we can feel a certain way. Our feelings are a result of what we are thinking. Think better thoughts – feel better now. I am not suggesting you think thoughts that are untrue or that you don’t believe, simply that you choose better-feeling thoughts, and see what happens.

Still want what you want? Then go for it! But feel how you want to feel already!

What have you stopped wanting?

As a coach, I ask people what they want.  Some people know.  A lot of people don’t know.  Some people have stopped wanting altogether.

If you don’t know what you want – how will you ever get it?

What have you stopped wanting?  Or what have you given up on ever getting?

By |February 28th, 2014|Uncategorized|0 Comments|

Why You Can’t Be Anyone You Want to Be

Does this blog post title bother you? Do you instinctively say – as I did – Yes I can! I CAN be anyone I want to be! When I say that I feel like a child insisting on being right, on having things my way.

This idea is inspired by a passage and a quote in the book The Great Work of Your Life, by Stephen Cope.

Every man has a vocation to be someone:
but he must understand clearly that in order to fulfill this
vocation he can be only one person: himself.
– Thomas Merton

Each of us can only be ourselves. We can pretend to be anyone or anything we want. But it is the pretense, the striving to be what we are not, that is often so destructive in our lives. Each of us has our own secret destiny, our own gifts and talents; each of us is as individual as our fingerprints. The desire to be yourself, to live a life that feels authentically your own, is what propels each of us to expand into our full being-ness. And it is only when we embrace ourselves, when we allow ourselves to love what we love, and to get lit up by what lights us up, that we can lead a fulfilling life. A life that fulfills us.

There is only one life
you can call your own
and a thousand others
you can call by any name you want.
– David Whyte, “All the True Vows”

Another way to think of this is like an acorn from an oak tree. It can’t be anything it wants to be – its destiny is to be an oak tree. But […]

By |February 24th, 2014|Uncategorized|0 Comments|

What is Your Secret Destiny?

I am in the midst of reading Anam Cara, a book of Celtic wisdom, by John O’Donohue. It is at times a bit slow-going for me, as I have to pause and think about what I am reading. This is often a good thing for me! There is so much wisdom and truth in this book – I am loving it.

Right now I am almost overwhelmed by this line:

one of the greatest sins is the unlived life

How different is this point of view from how most of us think? How could our lives be different if this were instilled in us from childhood? If you took this idea to heart, how would your life be different?

Each of us has a different dream for our life. Each of us has a secret destiny, one that calls to us, beckoning. We look away, or turn away, for many reasons. Usually fear, disbelief, or even false modesty. We do not believe we can have what we dream of, wonder about, wish for.

What is your secret destiny? Your dream? What would you do today if you started looking at your unlived life as a sin and not as the norm?

By |February 18th, 2014|Uncategorized|0 Comments|

Coming home to yourself

Lately I have been so excited about the beauty and truth in poetry. Little snippets here and there keep landing on me like a cool drop of rain hitting my skin on a hot summer afternoon: unexpected, a quick shiver, a sigh of yes, a feeling of delight.

Today the line that struck me is from a poem (or blessing) by John O’Donohue, called On Waking, from his book To Bless the Space Between Us. The whole blessing is as follows:

I give thanks for arriving
Safely in a new dawn,
For the gift of eyes
To see the world,
The gift of mind
To feel at home
In my life.
The waves of possibility
Breaking on the shore of dawn,
The harvest of the past
That awaits my hunger,
And all the furtherings
This new day will bring.

The line I am repeating to myself is:

To feel at home
In my life

This is what I want. This is the feeling I am after. To feel at home in our life is what I think we all want. As I go along in life, in coaching, in opening to myself, more and more I do feel at home in my life.

What is home? Good question. For me, home is belonging, home is feeling safe, home is love, home is everything good and true in life.

What is home for you? Do you feel at home in your life? How could you feel more at home in your life?


By |February 10th, 2014|Uncategorized|0 Comments|

My Four-Leaf Clover

I find a lot of four-leaf clovers. Do you? Here’s a picture of one I found the other day when I was out running. I paused to change my music, saw a bunch of clover and there it was!

Do you want to know the secret to finding four-leaf clovers? You have to believe they exist AND you have to look for them!

I didn’t always believe that four-leaf clovers actually existed. I thought they were some sort of magical symbol or element in a fable, like a unicorn. But one day I was borrowing a book from a friend. She handed it to me, and then said “oh, let me take out my four-leaf clovers.” She was drying them in the book. That was the day I realized that they actually existed. I asked her where she found them and she said she found them everywhere. The key was that you just have to spend time looking for them.

The other day when I found one I had a lightbulb moment about belief and effort. I really reflected again of the lessons I learned in becoming a collector of four-leaf clovers: belief and the effort of seeking.

I am guessing there things in your life that you don’t believe in? Or that you don’t believe exist? Or can’t exist for you? That there are things you know could exist but you don’t spend any time looking for them, or finding them?

What is the four-leaf clover in your life in which you need to believe and/or go find?

By |February 4th, 2014|Uncategorized|0 Comments|

Telling the truth

Lots of good thoughts today.  Tell the truth.  I am thinking about this a lot.

Tell the truth.  Be honest.  To yourself especially.

It is so important.  Especially telling the truth to myself!  Today someone asked about telling the truth being seen as criticism.  The truth is not criticism.  It is never criticism.  It just IS.  We may spin it with thoughts and judgements and make it critical.  But the truth just IS.  And even though it might be painful – it is so much less painful than the lies and the untruths that we tell ourselves and others.  Think about it.  Don’t you feel relief when you tell the truth?  Even if it’s hard?  And uncomfortable?  Even if it hurts?

Where have you not been telling the truth lately?

By |January 16th, 2014|Uncategorized|0 Comments|

Gratitude Is a Decision

Gratiude is a decision.  A choice.  That we can make every moment, in any moment.  This blew me away.  This is a game changer for me.

Can I be grateful for everything?  In the moment?  Knowing that everything happens for me and not to me (that’s a Byron Katie-ism I think).  Yes.



By |November 26th, 2013|Uncategorized|0 Comments|

Magic About To Happen

Today I got an email from a new friend with a link to a blog post by Seth Godin.  In Seth’s blog post he discusses choosing to be formidable.  I’ve never wanted to be formidable before – it always seemed a little cold and scary and stiff.  But then Seth goes on to describe formidable as:
“Someone to be reckoned with. Not someone with all the answers, because no one has all the answers. No, we want someone who is magic about to happen.”
Yes!  That is wonderful.  That feels juicy and exciting and delicious and joyful!  I feel those words in my body:  magic about to happen!

I am magic about to happen.  Or even more truthfully, I am magic happening!

So are you.  So is the world.  So is everything.  Can you feel it?  Will you let yourself feel it?

Simultaneously AB-SO-LULTELY terrifying and thrilling – just like watching this lava flow in Hawaii from a too-close boat last December!

Here’s a professional photo of it – Magic, pure and simple.

By |August 9th, 2013|Uncategorized|0 Comments|

Being Enough

I am having a hard day today and it’s been taking me by surprise and humbling me a bit too.  Lately I have been so happy and joyful and feeling great! And today I have been sad and feeling a little grief or grieving for the past, for my old life, and career.  And feeling a lot of uncertainty and fear and “not enough-ness” about the future that I am creating and whether I really can.  Even though my life changes have been positive and good and I wouldn’t go back in a second, I never really let myself feel the loss and let it go.

Today was one of those days when I just want to rest and be quiet and by myself.  And rather than argue with myself or tell myself what I “should” do or feel or be, I listened.  And rested and walked and thought and tried to be gentle and kind to myself and the world.

I watched Brene Brown’s TED talks on vulnerability and shame today – again – as they kept coming up over and over and over again.  She reminded me that we all try and fail and try some more … and that “I AM ENOUGH.”  I always have been and always will be.


By |July 19th, 2013|Uncategorized|0 Comments|