Please Stop Ignoring Yourself

Yes you, sweetheart.  Stop ignoring yourself.  Every time you pretend to be happy when you are not, you are ignoring yourself.  Every time you pretend everything is okay when it is not, you are ignoring yourself.  Every time you give on up on a dream, tell yourself it doesn’t matter, you are ignoring yourself.

When you ignore yourself, you stop trusting yourself.

When you ignore yourself, you look for answers out there, but those aren’t your answers.

When you ignore yourself, you tell lies.  To yourself and to others.

When you ignore yourself, you crush your soul a little more.

When you ignore yourself, the world can’t see you.  And the world needs to see you!

When you ignore yourself, you hide your gifts and talents.  And we need your particular gifts and talents.  Desperately.

 

So stop ignoring yourself sweetheart.  Start listening.  Start believing.  Start saying yes.  And watch how everything changes.  Like magic.

 

xoxo

Sara

 

 

By |July 20th, 2015|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say

Do you say what you mean and mean what you say?  Chances are, the answer is no.  It’s quite hard to be in 100% integrity and say only what you mean and mean what you say.  Plus, we think it sounds impolite.  I’m not referring to outright lies – that’s another post to come – I’m talking about using language that is unclear, muddy, vague, and dis-empowering.

I used to use “nice” language – to try to not hurt people’s feelings, and to avoid being uncomfortably direct or – god forbid – actually say what I want.  And in so doing, I was giving my power away to other people.  And then I would get irritated or pissed off or annoyed.  I thought I was irritated with the other person.  But really, I was annoyed and angry with myself for not having the courage to just speak the truth.

Do you say things like:

“I can’t” or “you can’t”

“I shouldn’t” or “you shouldn’t”

“I have to” or “You have to”

“I must” or “You must”

These phrases aren’t almost always not true.  What you typically mean (and may want to try saying) are some version of:

“I don’t want to”

“I am choosing not to”

“I want”

“I do not want”

So “I can’t quit my job” becomes “I am choosing not to quit my job.”

“You have to visit me” becomes “I want you to visit me.”

“You should text me if you’re going to be late” becomes “I want you to text me if you’re going to be late.”

There is always choice involved, in any action or inaction.  There is no “have to” or “can’t.”  I know, you’re probably rolling you’re eyes right now … but it’s generally true.  You almost always have a choice.  (Okay, I will grant […]

By |May 13th, 2015|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Thoughts That Used to Run My Life

Coaching is all about transformation.  It’s seeing things from a new point-of-view.  It’s letting go of beliefs that don’t serve you.  It’s learning to dis-believe thoughts you might not even realize (or not want to admit) are running and perhaps ruining your life.  It’s INCREDIBLE.

This is a list of some of the thoughts that I no longer believe.  I used to believe all of them.  And my life reflected that.  But I no longer allow them to have power in my life.  Because the life I want to create and experience is bigger than these fears and limiting beliefs.

 

1.  Work isn’t supposed to be fun.

2.  You can’t just do what you want in life.

3.  Work is supposed to be hard.

4.  I can’t afford to only do work I enjoy.

5.  I can’t just quit my job.

6.  I can’t earn money doing what I love.

7.  I’ll feel good about my body once I lose 10 more pounds.

8.  I’m too old to re-create my life, to start over, to start a new career, to get married, to have a family, to fall in love again, etc.  This one goes on and on.

9.  I need to be realistic.

10.  I shouldn’t get my hopes up or I’ll just be disappointed.

 

Do you want to argue with me?  Is your mind shouting “Of course you have to be realistic” or “Of course you can’t just do what you want to in life”?  Then you’ve just discovered a thought you believe.

How is this thought shaping your life?

How is it making you feel?

What actions are you taking or not taking because of it?

What are some of your […]

By |May 9th, 2015|Uncategorized|0 Comments

The Door

 
We all have doors in front of us every day. Unopened. Leading us somewhere. Are you going through the door in front of you today? Is it a door you want to go through? Or one you believe you “have to” go through? What would your life be like if you just went through the door you wanted to?  Today. Right now. The one that is waiting for you.

XO

Sara

By |April 27th, 2015|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Ghost Ships

I’ve lived my life paralyzed by fear of making a wrong decision, choosing the wrong thing. And so I’ve let things go by that I regret. I don’t want to do that any more.

My think of my life like one ship in a flotilla. There are many other ships sailing past – some of which look a lot more fun. These other ships represent my life if I had made different choices, taken different paths. But these are ghost ships – not my ship.

And I finally realized that every other ship except my own – every other life I think I “might have had if only…” – is an illusion.

I find a lot of peace in this. And I also find the desire and strength to go forward with my own life, and stop wishing to be on some other ghost ship that does not belong to me.

What ghost ships do you have in your life? What would it mean to you to stop wishing for a different past and step forward to fully inhabit the life you do have?

By |April 22nd, 2015|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Radical Self-Love

I am tired of being afraid. I know I will always have fears. But after 43 years of life, I am tired of letting my fear decide my life and make the decisions for me.

As a scientist, I am going to run an experiment. For the next 365 days, I am going to make all final decisions BASED NOT ON MY LOGICAL REASONING BRAIN (in spite of its Harvard-trained excellence), but based on what feels authentically and honestly good to me:

what feels fun?
what feels easy?
what feels joyful?
what would I do if I were not afraid?
what would I do if I trusted that everything I want and need is already on its way to me?
what do I want to do simply because I enjoy it?
is this a meaningful way to spend my precious time?

I believe in all of these questions. I believe I can have everything I want. But I have to start making different choices in order to create a different result.

I call this Radical Self-Love. Radical Living. Radical Honesty. Radical Action.

What would you do if you stopped listening to fear and started listening to love?

By |September 28th, 2014|Uncategorized|0 Comments

What’s holding you hostage right now?

My guess is that something right now in your life is holding you hostage, keeping you from doing what you truly want to be doing. What is it? A job you don’t like? Money worries? Loneliness? An unhappy relationship? Family problems?

We all have something, or many things, holding us hostage – keeping us stuck and unable to move forward in our lives.

What would your life look like if you could break free? What would be possible in your life if you no longer had this particular worry or problem?

How are you the one holding yourself hostage here? Why aren’t you rescuing yourself and how could you begin right now?

By |September 22nd, 2014|Uncategorized|0 Comments

What do you want and why do you want it?

What do you want? This is a great question to ask yourself regularly. It is something many folks never ask themselves, for reasons that include being “too busy” or afraid of the answer or maybe thinking that it doesn’t matter because they aren’t going to get it anyway. I ask coaching clients this all the time. I also hear a lot of “I don’t know.” To which I reply, if you did know, what would your answer be? This is a great way to short-circuit the “I don’t know” answer.

However, an even better question I think than “what do you want” is the follow-up question, “why do you want that?” The answer – after a lot of digging – is usually because we think that getting or experiencing whatever it is that we want, will make us feel a certain way. It is not the getting that we seek, it is the feeling we want once we get there.

The truth however, is that the feeling is available to us right now. We don’t need to get what we want before we can feel a certain way. Our feelings are a result of what we are thinking. Think better thoughts – feel better now. I am not suggesting you think thoughts that are untrue or that you don’t believe, simply that you choose better-feeling thoughts, and see what happens.

Still want what you want? Then go for it! But feel how you want to feel already!

By |July 7th, 2014|Uncategorized|0 Comments

What have you stopped wanting?

As a coach, I ask people what they want.  Some people know.  A lot of people don’t know.  Some people have stopped wanting altogether.

If you don’t know what you want – how will you ever get it?

What have you stopped wanting?  Or what have you given up on ever getting?

By |February 28th, 2014|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Why You Can’t Be Anyone You Want to Be

Does this blog post title bother you? Do you instinctively say – as I did – Yes I can! I CAN be anyone I want to be! When I say that I feel like a child insisting on being right, on having things my way.

This idea is inspired by a passage and a quote in the book The Great Work of Your Life, by Stephen Cope.

Every man has a vocation to be someone:
but he must understand clearly that in order to fulfill this
vocation he can be only one person: himself.
– Thomas Merton

Each of us can only be ourselves. We can pretend to be anyone or anything we want. But it is the pretense, the striving to be what we are not, that is often so destructive in our lives. Each of us has our own secret destiny, our own gifts and talents; each of us is as individual as our fingerprints. The desire to be yourself, to live a life that feels authentically your own, is what propels each of us to expand into our full being-ness. And it is only when we embrace ourselves, when we allow ourselves to love what we love, and to get lit up by what lights us up, that we can lead a fulfilling life. A life that fulfills us.

There is only one life
you can call your own
and a thousand others
you can call by any name you want.
– David Whyte, “All the True Vows”

Another way to think of this is like an acorn from an oak tree. It can’t be anything it wants to be – its destiny is to be an oak tree. But what […]

By |February 24th, 2014|Uncategorized|0 Comments